


Keith wants to go home

by Renia107



Series: Wier kids [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alien Lance, Aromantic Asexual Pidge | Katie Holt, BAMF Pidge | Katie Holt, F/F, F/M, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Hunk in the Mom™, Lance (Voltron) Has ADHD, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Memes, Not Beta Read, Pansexual Lance (Voltron), Pidge | Katie Holt Being a Little Shit, Pidge | Katie Holt is Savage, Prince Lance (Voltron), Slow Build, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), basically keith and lance get stuck on a planet, matchmaker kids to the rescue, oblivious shiro is oblivious, shiro is done
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2017-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8179189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renia107/pseuds/Renia107
Summary: When the Voltron pilots fall out of the wormhole Keith and Lance get stuck together on the same planet. Lucky for them Lance knows the place. While these two try to get away from the mess that is Lance's family, the others are worrying their asses off about them (except for Pidge, who somehow is convinced the dysfunctional pair of paladins are fine and is trying to start a betting pool, with a great sucess).





	1. The danger of slippers and competetive barbecues

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I hope you will like this (horrible) try in writing fanfiction and will not be too outraged because of my grammar mistakes (if you notice some please tell me). First fic and un-betad, sounds like a recipe for a disaster.

-Everyone! Code 358B! Attention, this is not a drill!- Gabriella had a horrible day. The planet was at peace for the last 15 years, and the Galra forces did not bother them, but she had a weird feeling in her stomach for the last few days, which made her kind of uneasy. She should have listened to her gut.  
-Ella, what's going on?- her husband was by her side in the minute she appeared in the trainer's gym.  
-Zoradians. We have been challenged. They say their barbecue parties are better and bigger than ours. They are coming here. We have too beat them.  
Thomaso Calib was a calm and collected man (if you asked him- if you asked his wife, then the answer was anything but that), but in the minute he heard the word challenge he was ready to kick some ass.  
-When and where?  
He heard his recruits get ready and some of them got the grill out already (from where he did not want to know).  
-The big field next to the castle.  
-Which castle?  
-Dear Gods, there is only one castle with a big field next to it, you moron!  
-The only thing I don't understand is why are you so hyped, aren't you the queen of Zorad too?  
-Shut you mouth you useless general!  
-Oh, it's on woman! Be prepared to go down with your planet! Averna is on my side!  
***  
Keith didn't regret his choices. Not one of them. But when he fell out of the wormhole in his lion, he was ready to let go of this old habit.  
-Oh, this can't get any worse!- he said as he crash-landed on an unknown planet, with no idea how to contact the castle and alone, with not enough supplies to live more than a month. He got out of the robot and looked around himself. There was a bigger crowd around a big gothic style building. He wondered if they noticed the crash.  
-I bet you it can- someone said in his ear. Keith was suddenly filled with hope. At least the coms worked. Then he recognized the voice.  
-Lance! Why does God hate me?  
-Shut up, I'm trying to get out of this goddamned lion! Can you help?  
-What do I get in return?- he asked teasingly, but started to walk towards the other. No wonder Lance couldn't get out. The blue lion was buried halfway into the ground with it's legs up in the air.  
-Don't be like this mullet-boy! Help a fellow paladin out!  
-Sure thing buddy, but you have to wait a few minutes. Red and I are going to have to dig you out.  
-Just hurry up Keith, I don't want to die down here!  
He got back into his lion and woke her up. It shook a little bit and was banged up, but altogether, it was fine. It was a miracle and he wondered if Lance's was alright too. They had too get back as fast as possible.  
Fifteen minutes, an angry fight and a grumpy Keith later, the blue lion was out of the ground and opening it's mouth to let her pilot out. Lance fell face first on the earth the minute his legs touched it and groaned.  
-Let me lay here for a while. Until I die, for an example.  
-Um, Lance? I don't think that will be possible...- Keith felt like an idiot. Of course the people noticed him landing here! He must have made a horribly loud noise. Not to mention his companion.  
-Oh, hi!- he prayed to all the Gods that he knew that these people would not attack them.  
-Took you a while to notice us- said a man with a kitchen apron on, and a spatula in a hand. How he managed to still look intimidating was a wonder, considering the apron said “You're gonna love my meat”. Anyone with a bad humor like that should be the least scary person in the universe-, whatcha got there?  
-None of your business!- he growled back. A giggle was heard from the middle of the crowd and a woman stepped forward, placing a hand to the man's shoulder.  
-Oh, I think it is our business little one. It is our planet after all. No authority for you or your friend here. So stop being a thought guy and answer us, so we can get back to our little friendly competition. Capiche?- the look she threw to the man made Keith think it was anything but friendly, but he kept his mouth shut. The lady looked to be in her element and the way the crowd moved around her made her stand out even more. If she was their leader he didn't want to piss her off in the minute he met her.  
-Uno momento por favor!- a finger was raised from the ground and a dirty muddy Lance finally decide to come alive again- Dios mio! This could have gone smoother...  
-You think?- Keith snapped. The useless piece of shit was stretching out and looking like he had no worries in the world. Keith wanted to strangle him.  
-Ohohoh... what do we have here?- the woman's eyes sparked dangerously and Keith gulped. He didn't like the way she looked at Lance- Princess decided to returned home and bless us with his presence, it seems. Anything to add before I cut you to pieces, prince Lancel?  
-Oh crewla...- the blue paladin started to run in the minute he noticed the people around him coming closer. Kitchen knives, whips, hammers, guns, fire or something harmless, but lethal looking (the old lady with wrinkles and white hair had a kitchen towel in her hand, but it looked like she could kill an army with it) were under a second in everyone's hands.  
-Get the little shit!- the man with a slipper screamed and the race begun.  
Keith had a feeling Lance was not going to get away easily. He didn't know if he should laugh or scream when his friend was jumped by a man wearing a shirt that had some kinds of symbols and a flower in his hair.  
-I got him!- he lifted Lance over his head and smiled like a madman- Step aside peasants!  
-Put me down Trevor!- the paladin wriggled, which only resulted in him being dropped and getting caught in bridal-style, by the flower-guy.  
-You don't have a say in this Cellie. You are mine now.  
Keith had a few questions. First, did Lance know these people, second, what, or who, the heck was this cellie?  
The crowd pushed him away from his lion, towards an abandoned-in-hurry temporary grill-station. He saw a man and a woman walk away into a different direction with Lance and the guy who was still holding onto him. He struggled his way free from the wave of people and started to follow his idiotic friend and his capturers.  
***  
-I wonder if Keith and Lance are okay...- Hunk, Shiro and Pidge landed on the same planet and have been walking around in the jungle for the last 10 minutes, their lions sulking after them. Black was the only one with a pilot in it, considering someone had to control the other two and Shiro felt too tired to walk through the green labyrinth of plants and trees.  
-If we are talking about Keith then I'm sure he is fine.  
-And Lance?  
-Oh, he is dead by now.  
-Pidge!


	2. Pidge and Coran team up

Keith got to a building what screamed that it was owned by someone important and filthy rich. It made him uneasy and when he spotted the guards he didn't get any less worried. The four got in without any problems, but one of the guards “accidentally” smacked Lance on the head. He was stuck. With no idea how to get in and how to get his friend out, he was officially useless. The idea stuck him in the form of a sign hanging on the building's wall. The text on it was displayed in multiple languages, english, thankfully, being one of them. “The first floor is open to any human who wishes to see it from 10am to 6 pm. Whomever wants to see the upper floors shall participate in the tour groups- see down below”. Keith breathed out and gathered his few social skills.  
-Excuse me, I don't have a watch, because I lost it and I would like to see the inside, can you please tell me the time?- he asked the guards. The one on the right grinned and pulled the sleeve of his uniform up to tell him. He put his arm farther away, then brought it closer, he frowned at the little device and turned to his colleague.  
-Hey new kid, can you tell me what does it say? Left my glasses in the changing room- the other one jumped up and leaned closer. Keith noticed how his hand was shaking when he grabbed the watch to get a closer look.  
-F-five, I mean t-tree forty- he scratched the back of his head and shot a shy smile to them-, sorry, I still can't speak good earth english. Still student.  
-Don't worry. I know how hard it is to learn it kid- he got patted on the back by the short-sighted, making him wobble.  
-Thanks guys!- the paladin slipped past them.  
-Hey, what's your name?  
-Keith Kogane. Why?  
-Nothin', it's just weird to see someone in last century pilot clothes lookin' around the Castle. Fan of the old fashion?  
-How do you know it's last century?  
-The seams tell the stories of the clothes Keith Kogane. Lancel is on the fifth floor. Tell the scary lookin' lady with the librarian outfit that it's fine by Jay. If she starts to be problematic only say ourave.- how did he know he was looking for Lance?  
-What does that even mean?  
-Jam- he was freaking out. What kind of guard was this?  
-Oh-kay... thanks for the help guys...  
He made his way away as fast as he could.  
***  
-So who thinks Keith is being a panicking individual, while Lance is kidnapped by the natives of the planet they landed on?  
-Pidge...  
-I mean like... who wants to make a bet about it?  
-Pidge.  
-Paladins, this is Coran, can you hear me?  
-Finally, please save us from them. Pidge wants to start a betting pool.  
-Oh, that sounds interesting, about what?  
-The state of Keith's mental health and Lance's whereabouts.  
-Don't encourage them!  
***  
Keith was now officially lost. He found the staircase leading to the gallery quite easily, but he had no idea how to get to floor three.  
-Excuse me, sir? What are you doing here?  
Oh shit, scary librarian.  
-Good afternoon. Name's Keith Kogane. I'm looking for... Lance?- he said his friend's name as if he wasn't sure in it. She looked at him like he was stupid. There would have been better ways to introduce himself.  
-Mhm. Sure thing buddy, and I am the king of Loren. Now spill.  
Just when a guy tells the truth!  
-I'm not lying. I swear!  
-Prove it. Do you know how many "quests" do I have because of this? You are the fifteenth one. Today. Not that exceptional and you even said the name wrong.  
-Lance, Lancel, I don't give a shit! It's the same annoying idiot who is singing through the coms on every mission and who can get into trouble without trying, so if you think you can keep up with him, then go for it! I give up!- he threw up his hands and started to walk away.  
-The door is that way!- the woman was laughing at him. Rude aliens and their weird security. He was getting pissed.  
-First I land on a planet I don't even know, then that idiot is kidnapped, I meet the strangest guardian of my life, who then proceeds to talk about the way my clothes look and...  
-Oh my Gods, you met Jim?  
-He said he was Jay?  
-Did he say that, or did he say that it's fine by Jay?  
-The second. Why?  
-I am Jay. Jam Jay. No jokes please, I get enought from the Head Guard. Just go- she pointed at the door he could swear wasn't there a few moments ago.  
Just like he thought, weirdes planet.  
***  
Allura was slowly calming down. Shiro, Hunk and Pidge were alive and in front of her. Now just to find Keith and Lance.  
-Coran, do you have any idea where they could be?  
-Apologies, Princess, the tracker doesn't seem to be working.  
She frowned. Time was running by them and Zarkon was getting more and more powerful each passing minute.  
-We could try looking around the planet where you found us. Maybe they were nearby- Shiro suggested.  
-We would have noticed them by now.  
-And what if we just randomly travel to the weirdest planets?  
-Where is the logic in that Pidge?  
-Don't ask me, the author controls what I say!  
-She wanted to make that joke for a while now?  
-Hunk, don't encourage her!  
***  
The third floor could be reached with an elevator, it's doors opened at a lounge filled with noise. In the center of it was Lance looking like he wanted to run, surrounded by people who looked like him. One of the girls had his nose, two boys had his haircolor, the man Keith remembered from earlier had Lance's skincolor... they looked like family. But what could people that looked like they could be Lance's family doing here?  
-...And right when I was about to beat his ass!- what did Keith interrupt? A telenovela scene?  
-Mmhm sure. You gettin' this? She says she would have won- Yup, he was sure. Telenovela.  
-Mom, dad? The weird armor guy is here- That chick had bright green hair and he was the weird one?  
Have you been stared at by a room full of people? Not recommended. Especially while some of them were somehow holding sharp objects in the second they noticed him.  
-Uhmm.. hi?- great Keith. That's all you could come up with? Congrats.  
-Name, reason of your visit?- there was a blade pressed against his neck. Okay they are scary and can hang from the ceiling. Good to know.  
-Keith!- Lance freed himself from underneath the man who was aggressively trying to prove his victory not so long ago- How did you get here?  
Before, he was worried, now he would say he was a little bit more furious. He had to walk here all alone, in a place he didn’t know, talkt o a guy about his uniform’s fabric and fight off the scary librarian. He was here for an hour and it was already getting bizarre.  
-Not thanks to you! Why the hell did you leave me there?  
Lance frowned.  
-I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I was carried away! And I am sorry that in that moment of shock I forgot! Poor you!  
-You don’t really look like someone who is here against their will!  
The murmurs grew louder around them.  
-Well I had a reason!  
-Children! Quiet!- a woman stood up and Keith’s first thought was: that’s a lot of hair, can she strangle somebody with it?  
-But mooom!- Lance whined.  
Mom? He was here suffering and that blue dumbass was having a family reunion? How dare… wait. They aren’t on Earth…  
***  
-Okay so we can explore the space around us, without a track or we can go and eat.  
-I think you should be a bit more concerned about them Shiro.  
-I want to die, let me at least die with a full stomach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when I can update or how long the chapters will be, but you must know that I really appreciate the kudos that i got so thank you for reading! :D


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